SnakeGirl
11-15-2007, 11:50 PM
OK, so I'm sure everyone has seen the commercials advertising prescription medication to cure overactive bladder and then at the end of the commercial, it says that one of the side effects is diarrhea. Well, isn't that nice? You will no longer have to pee, you'll just have to sh!t! :lol: But here's a bunch more bozos slapping warning labels everywhere!
Found in the in the instructions to a fire extinguisher: Step 1: Carry to fire.
Or hey, if that's too much trouble, just start another fire closer to the extinguisher!
(From Bill Engvall) Found on the label of hairdryers: Never use while sleeping.
Dangit, I was sleep-stylin' again!
Found on automobile windsheild cover: Never drive with the cover on your windsheild.
Well, shoot, why not?
Found on mildew remover: Use only in well vented areas.
If it was well vented, then mildew wouldn't grow . . .
Found on many return envelopes: The ost office will not deliver mail without postage.
Was there ever a time when they did?
Found in instructions for a computer mouse: Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw mouse at co-workers.
True. If your co-worker is making you angry, chuck a coffee cup, or maybe even the whole d@mn (d@mn) computer at him . . .
Found in safety booklet of airlines: If you are seated in an exit aisle and are unable to read this, please ask a stewardess to reseat you.
OK, there's many things wrong with this one. If you can't read, how are you gonna know to ask the stewardess to reseat you. And even if you did, is getting another seat suddenly gonna enable you to read?
Found on a flyer tacked to a community bulletin board: Learn to read! Please sign up for the next class.
Um, if they can't read, how are they gonna read the flyer in the first place?
Found on a butane lighter: Flame may cause fire.
Gee, I wonder who thought that up?
Found on a box of light-senstive photographic paper: Open only in total darkness. See further instructions inside.
Hmm, if it's dark, how they see the rest of the instructions?
Found in a public rest stop: Do not eat the urinal cakes.
I'm not touching that one! :lol:
Found on a package of mouse poison: May be harmful or fatal if swallowed.
Isn't that kinda the point?
Commercial on television advertising Lunesta sleeping aids: Side effects include drowsiness. Do not drive or operate heavy machinery until you know how this product will affect you.
Again, isn't that the point? A sleep aid that makes you drowsy--why didn't I think of that?
Found on fire logs: Risk of fire.
Man, where do these idiots come up with this? Once again, I believe that's the point . . .
Found in instructions for folding up a portable baby carriage: Step 1-Remove baby.
If the parents couldn't figured this one out, they shouldn't have kids in the first place.
Found in a hear aid instruction booklet: Never put your hearing aid or batteries in your mouth, as they can be accidentally swallowed.
Well, if you find yourself with your hearing aid in your mouth, remove the dentures from your ear and commit yourself to the psychiatric ward.
And finally, found on gas grill: Surface will be warm when in use.
I should hope so. Cause if they can't figure that out on their own, they probably shouldn't be attempting to cook anything. They'd blow up the neighborhood!
Found in the in the instructions to a fire extinguisher: Step 1: Carry to fire.
Or hey, if that's too much trouble, just start another fire closer to the extinguisher!
(From Bill Engvall) Found on the label of hairdryers: Never use while sleeping.
Dangit, I was sleep-stylin' again!
Found on automobile windsheild cover: Never drive with the cover on your windsheild.
Well, shoot, why not?
Found on mildew remover: Use only in well vented areas.
If it was well vented, then mildew wouldn't grow . . .
Found on many return envelopes: The ost office will not deliver mail without postage.
Was there ever a time when they did?
Found in instructions for a computer mouse: Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw mouse at co-workers.
True. If your co-worker is making you angry, chuck a coffee cup, or maybe even the whole d@mn (d@mn) computer at him . . .
Found in safety booklet of airlines: If you are seated in an exit aisle and are unable to read this, please ask a stewardess to reseat you.
OK, there's many things wrong with this one. If you can't read, how are you gonna know to ask the stewardess to reseat you. And even if you did, is getting another seat suddenly gonna enable you to read?
Found on a flyer tacked to a community bulletin board: Learn to read! Please sign up for the next class.
Um, if they can't read, how are they gonna read the flyer in the first place?
Found on a butane lighter: Flame may cause fire.
Gee, I wonder who thought that up?
Found on a box of light-senstive photographic paper: Open only in total darkness. See further instructions inside.
Hmm, if it's dark, how they see the rest of the instructions?
Found in a public rest stop: Do not eat the urinal cakes.
I'm not touching that one! :lol:
Found on a package of mouse poison: May be harmful or fatal if swallowed.
Isn't that kinda the point?
Commercial on television advertising Lunesta sleeping aids: Side effects include drowsiness. Do not drive or operate heavy machinery until you know how this product will affect you.
Again, isn't that the point? A sleep aid that makes you drowsy--why didn't I think of that?
Found on fire logs: Risk of fire.
Man, where do these idiots come up with this? Once again, I believe that's the point . . .
Found in instructions for folding up a portable baby carriage: Step 1-Remove baby.
If the parents couldn't figured this one out, they shouldn't have kids in the first place.
Found in a hear aid instruction booklet: Never put your hearing aid or batteries in your mouth, as they can be accidentally swallowed.
Well, if you find yourself with your hearing aid in your mouth, remove the dentures from your ear and commit yourself to the psychiatric ward.
And finally, found on gas grill: Surface will be warm when in use.
I should hope so. Cause if they can't figure that out on their own, they probably shouldn't be attempting to cook anything. They'd blow up the neighborhood!